Father (it) figures.
Lady L,
I have dated all sorts of guys in my single life, but I was wondering about something. I tend to have longer relationships with a certain type of guy. I know it must be common, but I have noticed that these longer term guys have personality traits just like my brothers and father. The thing is, I don't get along with my brothers or my father very well. Not that I don't love them, it's just that I consider myself a very independent and modern woman, so I don't take their advice. This leads to arguments, and I find that I'm arguing about the same things with my longer term boyfriends. My father and brothers are the stubborn type. Why am I more attracted or want to stay in a relationship with this type? Also, I don't seem to get along with my mother very well. I'm over thirty and she still treats me like I am fifteen and should behave a certain way. I am my own woman and refuse to do so, though I am respectful most of the time. I just can't seem to get along with her. Any thing you know about here?
Billie Joe in Dallas
Hi Billie Joe. Yes, if you've ever studied developmental psychology, you would recognize a few fairly common factors in your situation. When we are younger, we allow ourselves to experience trends of rebellion or peer grouping as well as vanity and curiousity. In our twenties, we start to make patterns about selection, more towards a wider peer group (mostly the media), vanity and emotional needs. As we approach our thirties, a strange trend emerges where we tend to date more towards our genetic directive, that is, types that came from our growing up environment and our own embedded genes. I think you are experiencing this trend and you are noticing it. The powerful combination of environment (your father as a man figure during puberty) and the actual "tribe" trend (dating an emotional and physical type like siblings or family due to your genes) is pushing you toward these types. It is actually a much more significant chance that you will want to mate and orgasm with this type.
Your mother sounds like she has unresolved issues about lifestyle. It could be she's just plain jealous of you, or her disapproval of herself growing older with the responsibilities of family, while you date around and aren't obligated to settle down. Take it easy on her and gain her respect by shifting gears somehow. I find just listening to my mom one on one without the "boys" around helps her resolve her "mother daughter issues". I just sit there and hold my tongue.
If you are tired of dating these types like your father and brothers, just notice the clues. Height, mannerisms, any combination could tip you off. Even foreign guys have common traits with your father and brothers. Be aware of the subtlties of the type, and then make the decision. Hope this helps, Billie Joe. (love your name -LL)
I have dated all sorts of guys in my single life, but I was wondering about something. I tend to have longer relationships with a certain type of guy. I know it must be common, but I have noticed that these longer term guys have personality traits just like my brothers and father. The thing is, I don't get along with my brothers or my father very well. Not that I don't love them, it's just that I consider myself a very independent and modern woman, so I don't take their advice. This leads to arguments, and I find that I'm arguing about the same things with my longer term boyfriends. My father and brothers are the stubborn type. Why am I more attracted or want to stay in a relationship with this type? Also, I don't seem to get along with my mother very well. I'm over thirty and she still treats me like I am fifteen and should behave a certain way. I am my own woman and refuse to do so, though I am respectful most of the time. I just can't seem to get along with her. Any thing you know about here?
Billie Joe in Dallas
Hi Billie Joe. Yes, if you've ever studied developmental psychology, you would recognize a few fairly common factors in your situation. When we are younger, we allow ourselves to experience trends of rebellion or peer grouping as well as vanity and curiousity. In our twenties, we start to make patterns about selection, more towards a wider peer group (mostly the media), vanity and emotional needs. As we approach our thirties, a strange trend emerges where we tend to date more towards our genetic directive, that is, types that came from our growing up environment and our own embedded genes. I think you are experiencing this trend and you are noticing it. The powerful combination of environment (your father as a man figure during puberty) and the actual "tribe" trend (dating an emotional and physical type like siblings or family due to your genes) is pushing you toward these types. It is actually a much more significant chance that you will want to mate and orgasm with this type.
Your mother sounds like she has unresolved issues about lifestyle. It could be she's just plain jealous of you, or her disapproval of herself growing older with the responsibilities of family, while you date around and aren't obligated to settle down. Take it easy on her and gain her respect by shifting gears somehow. I find just listening to my mom one on one without the "boys" around helps her resolve her "mother daughter issues". I just sit there and hold my tongue.
If you are tired of dating these types like your father and brothers, just notice the clues. Height, mannerisms, any combination could tip you off. Even foreign guys have common traits with your father and brothers. Be aware of the subtlties of the type, and then make the decision. Hope this helps, Billie Joe. (love your name -LL)
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