Too close to home (What a letter! Girls, get a grip!)
Dear Lady Lorrington,
I recently had begun dating this guy. He's really nice, good to me, hot in bed, etc., and I was having a great time. But it all went south on me. He lives in an apartment building where everybody knows each other, like a little commune or something. They all borrow each other's stuff, stop in at each other's place, have keys to each other's places and whatnot. I didn't really mind this, but things began popping up that were giving me second thoughts about the relationship.
"Gina", the downstairs neighbor, comes around to use my guy's computer sometimes. The first time she came over, she was in hot pants and a baby tee, nothing else. I sat on the couch while she strolled in, said she had to use the computer, and proceeded to give me twenty questions. Like, how long have I been seeing my guy, mother's maiden name, the usual. I was like, whatever.
A couple of days later, "Terri" across the hall comes by, (not wearing much either) says she needs some letter size paper, and starts the same routine. Terri goes a little farther though, and asks if I like to "do it alot". I was like WHAT? I immediately called my guy at work because I was upset. He said don't worry, they're just being nosy neighbors.
Then "Joanne" who is married and lives upstairs, comes by a few days later to get some corn starch. She doesn't even look at me, except for a slight sneer and harumph.
I decide to put a stop to this and talk to my guy. He says not to overreact and that these people will be fine once they get to know me better.
Well, things didn't get "fine". One of the neighbors had a party and my guy invited me to go. I was like, all right let me get this over with.
Everything was fine at the party for a couple of hours, but the drinks started flowing and these neighbors starting losing it. Terri brought some guy that was singing songs while hitting on all the women. Joanne, the snotty married lady, was eating it up. Her husband had me cornered and was all in my face, his speech garbled as he tried to feel me up. My guy came to the rescue and gave him a stern dressing down. I excused myself and went to the bathroom, and Terri followed me in before I could close the door. I was like, hey, what, but before I could say anything, she had her tongue down my throat in a french kiss and her hand right down my pants and inside me. I was stunned for a second and then she just whispered "come down to my place right now, I want to [edited sentence]". She then just walked right out and shut the door. I was so shaken that I just sat on the toilet for a couple of minutes. I got myself together and went back out. "Gina" had my guy cornered and I was shocked to see her trying to touch his crotch while he was brushing her hand away. I bee lined across the room but halfway, husband Joe was in my face. My guy noticed and came to intervene. I said I was upset and wanted to go. He said why and I said let's just go, now. He led me to a bedroom to talk to me. We go into the bedroom and there's Joanne bent over the dresser with her dress up and the singing guy with his pants down, [edited] her right there! I was so upset I just marched out of the place, my guy coming after me.
We got back to his place, and I said I'm outta here! and left. I said I'm sorry to my guy and I'll call you tomorrow, I just had to get out.
So after a couple of days, I calm down and call my guy to meet him. We both agreed it was a bad experience and he said he would have a talk with all of them. After that, things got calmer, no visits some friendly hellos, I thought it was done with. Wrong. I stay over my guy's house one night, and after he leaves for work, (he works very early) I fall back asleep and I'm having a sexy dream and I wake up thinking my guy came back or something because someone is touching me. I open my eyes and there's Terri lying next to me, bathrobe open and [edited] herself while trying to [edited] me! I screamed at her, get out! and she was just lying there saying come on, let's [edited]. I get up and pull her off the bed and push her right out of the bedroom and out the door, slamming it. SICK. I was crying and called my guy and yelled at him, and left.
I didn't want to see my guy anymore, and I told him that. He was hurt and said it wasn't his fault. I said I don't care and that is that.
After a couple of weeks I started to miss him badly so I call him and invite him for dinner. We have a great time and I think I am in love with him. I decide to get back with him. But I won't go to his place.
One sunday we spend all day in the park and he says he wants to take me to his place. I say I will but I don't want to see any of those people anymore. He says ok don't worry.
Well we get to his floor and there's Gina, slumped at his door, crying hysterical. She just keeps crying at my guy, You [edited] animal! You're a [edit] animal! She spits in his face and he just drags her down the side stairs. I stand there for a second, then I just leave.
It's been a few weeks now, and I haven't returned any of my guy's calls or texts. He's sent me flowers and stuff, and I've been sick with crying and trying to get over him.
Please help me. What do I do? What is wrong with these people?
Daphne
Wow. Boy. What do I say Daphne? There's a whole lot a shakin' goin' on. This experience is a prime example why people try to lead a halfway normal existence. You meet somebody, everything looks good, and all of a sudden, bam! Reality. First of all, yoor guy is WAY too cozy with the neighbors. Obvious. Second of all, He should have taken back all the keys after the party incident, but that could get touchy with neighbors. The Terri and Gina scenarios are outright frightening. They should have the decency to back off at the first sign of discomfort from you. Damn.
Anyway, you have to pull through this love disconnect. You are emotionally and physically attached to someone and your ego is fighting you and thinks it can solve the problem. Thing is, it's not your problem. You got sucked in and now you have to dig yourself out. If you and your guy have a deep attachment, it will take a long time. I recommend seeing him maybe once or twice just to get this stuff cleared up, but only away from both your places. You will start to build resentment towards him, but that's normal. He has to deal with the fact that you've been abused emotionally, and if he wants to deal with it, it may take a very long time.
These people are behaving like animals. They're going to try to take what they can get, like a pack of dogs. Steer clear. Your guy got with this Gina character, sorry to tell you. If he says he didn't, he's lying, but it probably doesn't matter. Men have a hard time resisting an easy lay. Don't sink into a hole, you've got to get through this. Love is a tricky disease designed to make you hang on for dear life. He may be in pain or not, sounds like half and half to me. One half is boinking the building, the other wants you. Don't settle for this garbage. If he is serious, he'll be a man and find another place. You can tell him that to see if he'll play ball. If not, see him once or twice to close the issue, then get out of Dodge.
I recently had begun dating this guy. He's really nice, good to me, hot in bed, etc., and I was having a great time. But it all went south on me. He lives in an apartment building where everybody knows each other, like a little commune or something. They all borrow each other's stuff, stop in at each other's place, have keys to each other's places and whatnot. I didn't really mind this, but things began popping up that were giving me second thoughts about the relationship.
"Gina", the downstairs neighbor, comes around to use my guy's computer sometimes. The first time she came over, she was in hot pants and a baby tee, nothing else. I sat on the couch while she strolled in, said she had to use the computer, and proceeded to give me twenty questions. Like, how long have I been seeing my guy, mother's maiden name, the usual. I was like, whatever.
A couple of days later, "Terri" across the hall comes by, (not wearing much either) says she needs some letter size paper, and starts the same routine. Terri goes a little farther though, and asks if I like to "do it alot". I was like WHAT? I immediately called my guy at work because I was upset. He said don't worry, they're just being nosy neighbors.
Then "Joanne" who is married and lives upstairs, comes by a few days later to get some corn starch. She doesn't even look at me, except for a slight sneer and harumph.
I decide to put a stop to this and talk to my guy. He says not to overreact and that these people will be fine once they get to know me better.
Well, things didn't get "fine". One of the neighbors had a party and my guy invited me to go. I was like, all right let me get this over with.
Everything was fine at the party for a couple of hours, but the drinks started flowing and these neighbors starting losing it. Terri brought some guy that was singing songs while hitting on all the women. Joanne, the snotty married lady, was eating it up. Her husband had me cornered and was all in my face, his speech garbled as he tried to feel me up. My guy came to the rescue and gave him a stern dressing down. I excused myself and went to the bathroom, and Terri followed me in before I could close the door. I was like, hey, what, but before I could say anything, she had her tongue down my throat in a french kiss and her hand right down my pants and inside me. I was stunned for a second and then she just whispered "come down to my place right now, I want to [edited sentence]". She then just walked right out and shut the door. I was so shaken that I just sat on the toilet for a couple of minutes. I got myself together and went back out. "Gina" had my guy cornered and I was shocked to see her trying to touch his crotch while he was brushing her hand away. I bee lined across the room but halfway, husband Joe was in my face. My guy noticed and came to intervene. I said I was upset and wanted to go. He said why and I said let's just go, now. He led me to a bedroom to talk to me. We go into the bedroom and there's Joanne bent over the dresser with her dress up and the singing guy with his pants down, [edited] her right there! I was so upset I just marched out of the place, my guy coming after me.
We got back to his place, and I said I'm outta here! and left. I said I'm sorry to my guy and I'll call you tomorrow, I just had to get out.
So after a couple of days, I calm down and call my guy to meet him. We both agreed it was a bad experience and he said he would have a talk with all of them. After that, things got calmer, no visits some friendly hellos, I thought it was done with. Wrong. I stay over my guy's house one night, and after he leaves for work, (he works very early) I fall back asleep and I'm having a sexy dream and I wake up thinking my guy came back or something because someone is touching me. I open my eyes and there's Terri lying next to me, bathrobe open and [edited] herself while trying to [edited] me! I screamed at her, get out! and she was just lying there saying come on, let's [edited]. I get up and pull her off the bed and push her right out of the bedroom and out the door, slamming it. SICK. I was crying and called my guy and yelled at him, and left.
I didn't want to see my guy anymore, and I told him that. He was hurt and said it wasn't his fault. I said I don't care and that is that.
After a couple of weeks I started to miss him badly so I call him and invite him for dinner. We have a great time and I think I am in love with him. I decide to get back with him. But I won't go to his place.
One sunday we spend all day in the park and he says he wants to take me to his place. I say I will but I don't want to see any of those people anymore. He says ok don't worry.
Well we get to his floor and there's Gina, slumped at his door, crying hysterical. She just keeps crying at my guy, You [edited] animal! You're a [edit] animal! She spits in his face and he just drags her down the side stairs. I stand there for a second, then I just leave.
It's been a few weeks now, and I haven't returned any of my guy's calls or texts. He's sent me flowers and stuff, and I've been sick with crying and trying to get over him.
Please help me. What do I do? What is wrong with these people?
Daphne
Wow. Boy. What do I say Daphne? There's a whole lot a shakin' goin' on. This experience is a prime example why people try to lead a halfway normal existence. You meet somebody, everything looks good, and all of a sudden, bam! Reality. First of all, yoor guy is WAY too cozy with the neighbors. Obvious. Second of all, He should have taken back all the keys after the party incident, but that could get touchy with neighbors. The Terri and Gina scenarios are outright frightening. They should have the decency to back off at the first sign of discomfort from you. Damn.
Anyway, you have to pull through this love disconnect. You are emotionally and physically attached to someone and your ego is fighting you and thinks it can solve the problem. Thing is, it's not your problem. You got sucked in and now you have to dig yourself out. If you and your guy have a deep attachment, it will take a long time. I recommend seeing him maybe once or twice just to get this stuff cleared up, but only away from both your places. You will start to build resentment towards him, but that's normal. He has to deal with the fact that you've been abused emotionally, and if he wants to deal with it, it may take a very long time.
These people are behaving like animals. They're going to try to take what they can get, like a pack of dogs. Steer clear. Your guy got with this Gina character, sorry to tell you. If he says he didn't, he's lying, but it probably doesn't matter. Men have a hard time resisting an easy lay. Don't sink into a hole, you've got to get through this. Love is a tricky disease designed to make you hang on for dear life. He may be in pain or not, sounds like half and half to me. One half is boinking the building, the other wants you. Don't settle for this garbage. If he is serious, he'll be a man and find another place. You can tell him that to see if he'll play ball. If not, see him once or twice to close the issue, then get out of Dodge.
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