Hot Sexy Love!
Dear Lady L!
I've got a little more than I bargained for. I look back on the past year as a sort of coming of age. It all started when I ran into an old lover on the street in my city. I had dated him ten years before for about 5-6 months, a whirlwind of May-December hot sex. I do remember thinking back then, oh how I love to do this guy, he's so nice and wonderful and he makes me [edited] like a racehorse.(and he thought I was the most talented and smartest girl he ever knew, and I am not, for sure!)
We split up (or rather truthfully, I left) when I started to fall for some troubador, who subsequently cheated on me.(I was still a little girl, a smarty pants.) For the next couple of years, I dated guys on and off, never finding a good "chemistry" for an LTR. I am a bit of a perfectionist and a little shallow, so it's hard.
Anyway, I see "Jim"(the old flame) on the street one day, and I was real glad to see him. I rushed up and said hi and we exchanged emails. After a couple of emails, I discovered he was really hurt when I left. (I was young!) Anyway, we started a casual friendship, and I discovered that he was shy about many things, things that I didn't know while we were dating. (we were to "busy" to even talk back then). I thought wow, I can be friends with this guy, we already did the nasty, he's so awesome. He supports me in anything I do and makes me feel great.
So we hang out for a long time and get close, sometimes getting real close.(never actually doing it, he was always gentlemanly, and I don't know what the * I was thinking.) Then some foreign guy catches my eye and I go for it. Jim is supportive and nice. This fizzles and I start to look around again, and Jim doesn't seem to mind. Then I do something that stepped over some line, being naive, and Jim shuts me out.
Well, I get my defenses up and push it out of my mind, but i kept thinking of him. I took up with some boring loser for a time, but I wanted some answers.
I called Jim and said we had to talk. He was reluctant but finally agreed, sounding rather angry.
I met up with him and we were having a great time.(we always did.) He took me dancing and we hot salsa and slow danced, and we were getting hot. I could feel his [edited] pressing against my rear end as we slow danced front to back. (I wanted that [edited] inside me right there. It was hot!) we sat down, and after a couple of drinks, I turned to Jim and started kissing him, right there in the dark club. It was a bit of an angry kiss, we were still mad at each other I guess. I was sitting on his leg angrily and passionately deep kissing Jim. Right there, he discreetly slides his hand up my leg and starts to [edited] me gently. (the club was dark.) He expertly put [edited, edited] me, and that was that. I [edited, edited] right there, sitting on his lap, and I shuddered so hard. I cried a little and he held me tight. I was whispering why did you shut me out? Why? He put his hand over my mouth and kissed my forehead. Then he got up and gripped my arm and led me through the club. He pulled me into the bathroom, (they were single rooms) and and roughly pinned me against the wall, and [edited,edited,edited!] to me right there. I [edited,edited] more times and fell into his arms.
He took me home and we kissed for a long time, but he wouldn't come in. He said see you soon.
I didn't hear from him for a week so I called him. It was short and he had to go, he was working. I was mad. I called him later that night, leaving a nasty message. Picking up the phone in the middle of the message, he says You wanna talk?! Come here and talk to me face to face, chicken *!!
Well, I go over to his house and go to his door, ready to let fly some serious argument. He opens the door and we just stand there for a second, looking at each other. I go up to him and just hold him. He caresses my hair and kisses me softly. I start to cry again. (cry baby!). Well the rest of that night he basically alternated between sweet hot love and rough hard punishing "discipline". ([edited, edited, edit], everything.) I woke up the next day around noon, worn out, and and looked at my cell. My current boyfriend had called a couple of times. I was like, oh *. Then Jim calls and says he is coming back from a meeting right then. I told him I had to go, and he said You got to do what you got to do. I left.
Its been a couple of weeks and I am twisted. My boyfriend and everything else is losing their color. Jim called once and we talked, just light convo (he's the best) and I laughed till we got off the phone.
Lady L, what's up? I can't be with anybody right now, I am hustling my career. I want to talk to Jim more, but I don't want to date anyone. I am sleepless and my boyfriend is a drag. I don't even masturbate to my favorite guy fantasies. What's wrong with me?
Kirsten from Chicago
Well Kirsten, sounds like you have a couple of problems. Go easy on yourself for now, and sort out what I'm about to tell you. In this day and age, we are saturated with "how things are supposed to be" from many sources, more than sources years ago. The way you picture love and sex is separated from reality. I think you just went through a very real experience, something that takes the glimmer off how you perceived an in a "perfect world" type scenario, which conflicts with you learned behavior and what actually happens. Don't fret, everybody's coming to grips with it.
The thing a woman has to realize is sometimes "been there, done that" is stupid. Our attention spans are weak, so our behavior drifts in different directions, and it doesn't do well in the real world.
The current boyfriend is just that. That's all you wanted him to be. Good looking on your arm a parties, nice, considerate, other girls want him, he's in your business, etc. Good on paper. Or, another boyfriend might be exciting, adventurous, thrilling, a good story to tell. Live life to the fullest, that's the motto.
Kirsten, life is not just a series of events. It is the growth of your soul. When all the advertising slogans are gone, all you have left is a grown person with responsibilities. How boring that sounds, but one day you will crave it more than any guy, job or fame.
Let me give it to you straight. Dump the arm candy and the fantasies and give Jim a real shot. Maybe he's not as attractive as some others, but he sounds like he's got the goods. He's patient, He LOVES you, he desires you consistently, he makes you blank like a racehorse, he puts up with your crap, he is THERE. You don't have to marry him, just give him the shot he deserves! You dumped him years ago, so what? The dumper has the upper hand? Sounds like you STILL love to bleep him. You love somebody, you idiot, try not to screw it up! If you haven't already! Stop with the "been there done that" and the "something better around the corner" for just a little bit! Sheesh. If you don't, I'm going to find him and take him for myself!
I've got a little more than I bargained for. I look back on the past year as a sort of coming of age. It all started when I ran into an old lover on the street in my city. I had dated him ten years before for about 5-6 months, a whirlwind of May-December hot sex. I do remember thinking back then, oh how I love to do this guy, he's so nice and wonderful and he makes me [edited] like a racehorse.(and he thought I was the most talented and smartest girl he ever knew, and I am not, for sure!)
We split up (or rather truthfully, I left) when I started to fall for some troubador, who subsequently cheated on me.(I was still a little girl, a smarty pants.) For the next couple of years, I dated guys on and off, never finding a good "chemistry" for an LTR. I am a bit of a perfectionist and a little shallow, so it's hard.
Anyway, I see "Jim"(the old flame) on the street one day, and I was real glad to see him. I rushed up and said hi and we exchanged emails. After a couple of emails, I discovered he was really hurt when I left. (I was young!) Anyway, we started a casual friendship, and I discovered that he was shy about many things, things that I didn't know while we were dating. (we were to "busy" to even talk back then). I thought wow, I can be friends with this guy, we already did the nasty, he's so awesome. He supports me in anything I do and makes me feel great.
So we hang out for a long time and get close, sometimes getting real close.(never actually doing it, he was always gentlemanly, and I don't know what the * I was thinking.) Then some foreign guy catches my eye and I go for it. Jim is supportive and nice. This fizzles and I start to look around again, and Jim doesn't seem to mind. Then I do something that stepped over some line, being naive, and Jim shuts me out.
Well, I get my defenses up and push it out of my mind, but i kept thinking of him. I took up with some boring loser for a time, but I wanted some answers.
I called Jim and said we had to talk. He was reluctant but finally agreed, sounding rather angry.
I met up with him and we were having a great time.(we always did.) He took me dancing and we hot salsa and slow danced, and we were getting hot. I could feel his [edited] pressing against my rear end as we slow danced front to back. (I wanted that [edited] inside me right there. It was hot!) we sat down, and after a couple of drinks, I turned to Jim and started kissing him, right there in the dark club. It was a bit of an angry kiss, we were still mad at each other I guess. I was sitting on his leg angrily and passionately deep kissing Jim. Right there, he discreetly slides his hand up my leg and starts to [edited] me gently. (the club was dark.) He expertly put [edited, edited] me, and that was that. I [edited, edited] right there, sitting on his lap, and I shuddered so hard. I cried a little and he held me tight. I was whispering why did you shut me out? Why? He put his hand over my mouth and kissed my forehead. Then he got up and gripped my arm and led me through the club. He pulled me into the bathroom, (they were single rooms) and and roughly pinned me against the wall, and [edited,edited,edited!] to me right there. I [edited,edited] more times and fell into his arms.
He took me home and we kissed for a long time, but he wouldn't come in. He said see you soon.
I didn't hear from him for a week so I called him. It was short and he had to go, he was working. I was mad. I called him later that night, leaving a nasty message. Picking up the phone in the middle of the message, he says You wanna talk?! Come here and talk to me face to face, chicken *!!
Well, I go over to his house and go to his door, ready to let fly some serious argument. He opens the door and we just stand there for a second, looking at each other. I go up to him and just hold him. He caresses my hair and kisses me softly. I start to cry again. (cry baby!). Well the rest of that night he basically alternated between sweet hot love and rough hard punishing "discipline". ([edited, edited, edit], everything.) I woke up the next day around noon, worn out, and and looked at my cell. My current boyfriend had called a couple of times. I was like, oh *. Then Jim calls and says he is coming back from a meeting right then. I told him I had to go, and he said You got to do what you got to do. I left.
Its been a couple of weeks and I am twisted. My boyfriend and everything else is losing their color. Jim called once and we talked, just light convo (he's the best) and I laughed till we got off the phone.
Lady L, what's up? I can't be with anybody right now, I am hustling my career. I want to talk to Jim more, but I don't want to date anyone. I am sleepless and my boyfriend is a drag. I don't even masturbate to my favorite guy fantasies. What's wrong with me?
Kirsten from Chicago
Well Kirsten, sounds like you have a couple of problems. Go easy on yourself for now, and sort out what I'm about to tell you. In this day and age, we are saturated with "how things are supposed to be" from many sources, more than sources years ago. The way you picture love and sex is separated from reality. I think you just went through a very real experience, something that takes the glimmer off how you perceived an in a "perfect world" type scenario, which conflicts with you learned behavior and what actually happens. Don't fret, everybody's coming to grips with it.
The thing a woman has to realize is sometimes "been there, done that" is stupid. Our attention spans are weak, so our behavior drifts in different directions, and it doesn't do well in the real world.
The current boyfriend is just that. That's all you wanted him to be. Good looking on your arm a parties, nice, considerate, other girls want him, he's in your business, etc. Good on paper. Or, another boyfriend might be exciting, adventurous, thrilling, a good story to tell. Live life to the fullest, that's the motto.
Kirsten, life is not just a series of events. It is the growth of your soul. When all the advertising slogans are gone, all you have left is a grown person with responsibilities. How boring that sounds, but one day you will crave it more than any guy, job or fame.
Let me give it to you straight. Dump the arm candy and the fantasies and give Jim a real shot. Maybe he's not as attractive as some others, but he sounds like he's got the goods. He's patient, He LOVES you, he desires you consistently, he makes you blank like a racehorse, he puts up with your crap, he is THERE. You don't have to marry him, just give him the shot he deserves! You dumped him years ago, so what? The dumper has the upper hand? Sounds like you STILL love to bleep him. You love somebody, you idiot, try not to screw it up! If you haven't already! Stop with the "been there done that" and the "something better around the corner" for just a little bit! Sheesh. If you don't, I'm going to find him and take him for myself!
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