Hates what she's got
Hi Lady L.
I am writing to you about my hating my body. I am tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. It makes me so depressed sometimes that I shut myself in my house and don't even answer the phone. I just broke up with my boyfriend because (he doesn't know it) I can't even stand to be naked with another person. He went right out and got someone new. I saw her and it sent me into a crying jag for a couple of days. I mean, I took one look at her and thought, he hated the way I looked, look at her. I even look at plastic surgery stuff and had a consultation. I am just dreaming, I can't afford that stuff. I really want to be attractive, but it seems like I just am ugly. My friends say nonsense, I am beautiful, but I see what people are attracted to, and I'm not it. I used to be fine with myself, but a couple of years ago, I just realized that I don't have "it". I went through a bad breakup back then, that's when I decided this. I just can't get to feeling good about myself.
Thanks for anything useful,
Cheri from LA
Hey Cheri. Nobody's completely happy with what they wound up with. I go from hating myself to loving myself every nanosecond. It seems you don't have a love yourself mode. All's I can do is relate something that had happened in the past for me. When I discovered it, it was a starting point for a similar "love myself" recovery.
The clue you gave me blared the real reason for these feelings. That breakup a while back shook you to the core, now you have to stabilize. I went through something close to this. I was in love with a guy a long time ago, really deeply in love. Everything was going along and I was very, very happy. Then he pulled the rug out, and I hit rock bottom. Nothing was good enough. He went for another girl who was more attractive than me, (in my judgement), and it was devastating. I began to feel so depressed and ugly. In other words, inadequate. To this day I feel terrible about it.
But you know what? I discovered it was my life, and it's the only one I have. Do I have regrets? Yes. Did I ever do that to someone else? Uhhhh... yes. I didn't realize how this one breakup was starting to affect me. I recounted the relationship and told myself the truth. He wasn't that great. I was in love, and it's a damn strong feeling. He cut me short, and the feeling had no resolution.
So I decided that I would attempt to make myself over, slowly pushing that relationship memory away. Now I feel great, knowing that I can accomplish this. It's very hard to do, to get over a deep love.
Just think about the times he was thoughtless to your feelings. Then match those with times you were thoughtless to someone that loved you. It doesn't have to be a guy. It could be anyone, any creature on earth. Then see the pattern. You were hurt and it was deep, but quickly remember when you did it to someone else, I bet you can! This method softens the blow to you, and you become more accepting of other people's (and other creatures) lives. That doesn't mean this guy wasn't a selfish prick, but you can't let it affect the future.
So go out and make a point to yourself to do little things each day to be more accepting of yourself, good or bad. Exercise, flirt, travel, anything. Listen, you had two boyfriends there in one letter, I guess these guys wanted to boink your "ugly" butt more than once. Find another! And do the mirror trick. Let him boink you and watch your "ugly" self getting it. Don't laugh, you'll like yourself a lot more, I'm willing to bet! You have to shake some memories, girl.
I am writing to you about my hating my body. I am tired of looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. It makes me so depressed sometimes that I shut myself in my house and don't even answer the phone. I just broke up with my boyfriend because (he doesn't know it) I can't even stand to be naked with another person. He went right out and got someone new. I saw her and it sent me into a crying jag for a couple of days. I mean, I took one look at her and thought, he hated the way I looked, look at her. I even look at plastic surgery stuff and had a consultation. I am just dreaming, I can't afford that stuff. I really want to be attractive, but it seems like I just am ugly. My friends say nonsense, I am beautiful, but I see what people are attracted to, and I'm not it. I used to be fine with myself, but a couple of years ago, I just realized that I don't have "it". I went through a bad breakup back then, that's when I decided this. I just can't get to feeling good about myself.
Thanks for anything useful,
Cheri from LA
Hey Cheri. Nobody's completely happy with what they wound up with. I go from hating myself to loving myself every nanosecond. It seems you don't have a love yourself mode. All's I can do is relate something that had happened in the past for me. When I discovered it, it was a starting point for a similar "love myself" recovery.
The clue you gave me blared the real reason for these feelings. That breakup a while back shook you to the core, now you have to stabilize. I went through something close to this. I was in love with a guy a long time ago, really deeply in love. Everything was going along and I was very, very happy. Then he pulled the rug out, and I hit rock bottom. Nothing was good enough. He went for another girl who was more attractive than me, (in my judgement), and it was devastating. I began to feel so depressed and ugly. In other words, inadequate. To this day I feel terrible about it.
But you know what? I discovered it was my life, and it's the only one I have. Do I have regrets? Yes. Did I ever do that to someone else? Uhhhh... yes. I didn't realize how this one breakup was starting to affect me. I recounted the relationship and told myself the truth. He wasn't that great. I was in love, and it's a damn strong feeling. He cut me short, and the feeling had no resolution.
So I decided that I would attempt to make myself over, slowly pushing that relationship memory away. Now I feel great, knowing that I can accomplish this. It's very hard to do, to get over a deep love.
Just think about the times he was thoughtless to your feelings. Then match those with times you were thoughtless to someone that loved you. It doesn't have to be a guy. It could be anyone, any creature on earth. Then see the pattern. You were hurt and it was deep, but quickly remember when you did it to someone else, I bet you can! This method softens the blow to you, and you become more accepting of other people's (and other creatures) lives. That doesn't mean this guy wasn't a selfish prick, but you can't let it affect the future.
So go out and make a point to yourself to do little things each day to be more accepting of yourself, good or bad. Exercise, flirt, travel, anything. Listen, you had two boyfriends there in one letter, I guess these guys wanted to boink your "ugly" butt more than once. Find another! And do the mirror trick. Let him boink you and watch your "ugly" self getting it. Don't laugh, you'll like yourself a lot more, I'm willing to bet! You have to shake some memories, girl.
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