Hitting the bricks
Dear Lady L,
I am currently in (or not in) a relationship. I think my heart is breaking for the first time in my life.
I always "got my man", so to speak, and was always the first one to end it, or at least a couple were mutual agreements. This one I am in now is quite different.
Things were going really great, or so I thought. No problems, great sex, he is so cute and lovable. Then somethiing happened and I don't know what. He just stopped calling all of a sudden, no emails, no return texts. It's like a wall just slammed down in front of me, and I am hurt. I try to maintain my dignity, but after going out with him for a whole year, and telling me he loves me, I feel I want to confront him. Why would he just shut me out? I was very good to him, I thought this was the "big one". Now I just want to scream and cry. My feelings are getting in the way of doing things. Can you help me? Is there a chance for him and me?
Annabelle
Hi Annabelle. Ah, the famous Wall. Nothing is as painful as the Wall when you feel real love for someone. It's so impenetrable, I sure do know.
The first thing you must do if there's to be any solution to this famous dilemma is to get yourself leveled out. If it was the real thing, it may take a very long time to do this. Exercise, lots of aerobic and hitting, first order. Watch for blame misplacement and detective work. No circling, no information through friends, no contact, it is over for now. Your ego is a mighty strong champion that's used to winning, so your letter says. You are in the midst of fighting yourself. Recognize this.
The next step is forshadowing reaction. Don't get into a relationship or sexual conquest to fill the space. You'll only pass on the bad feelings you are feeling now to the new person if they fall for you. Your ego will rear it's ugliness and dump them in retaliation. Try to wrestle with yourself and let your intelligence and "what's right" win out. It may take years.
This person you "were" involved with sensed your growing to "real" and copped out. That's a good clue to what they'll do in a pinch at this stage of their life. He will grow up, it takes time. Don't get mad at him, it's another emotion that feeds off fear and resentment.
Okay, let me tell you what may happen. (it always does).
He will have regrets. He will eventually call. He was chicken, but your love will win out. This will happen at the most awkward time. Maybe in a month, maybe ten years. When it does, STAY IN CONTROL. If you want him, be quick, others are watching and are jealous of your true love. If you are slow and shy or the least bit considerate of anyone else, you will lose him again. YOUR OWN FAULT.
Don't let him put bricks in the wall by giving him too much time to think. Just stay light, happy and FAST. You can be the one to decide if you want to stick around if you are HOT AS GREASED LIGHTNING.
This wasn't some fling for him, it was a whole year. That's close to real. Now, however, it's back to square one with The Wall erected between you. Let the bricks of the wall erode over time, then karate kick the whole damn thing down when the opportunity presents itself. (It will.) If you waffle, he'll just as quickly add more bricks to justify his past bailout. Stay very strong, Annabelle, love has to be wrestled sometimes. Hope this helps.
I am currently in (or not in) a relationship. I think my heart is breaking for the first time in my life.
I always "got my man", so to speak, and was always the first one to end it, or at least a couple were mutual agreements. This one I am in now is quite different.
Things were going really great, or so I thought. No problems, great sex, he is so cute and lovable. Then somethiing happened and I don't know what. He just stopped calling all of a sudden, no emails, no return texts. It's like a wall just slammed down in front of me, and I am hurt. I try to maintain my dignity, but after going out with him for a whole year, and telling me he loves me, I feel I want to confront him. Why would he just shut me out? I was very good to him, I thought this was the "big one". Now I just want to scream and cry. My feelings are getting in the way of doing things. Can you help me? Is there a chance for him and me?
Annabelle
Hi Annabelle. Ah, the famous Wall. Nothing is as painful as the Wall when you feel real love for someone. It's so impenetrable, I sure do know.
The first thing you must do if there's to be any solution to this famous dilemma is to get yourself leveled out. If it was the real thing, it may take a very long time to do this. Exercise, lots of aerobic and hitting, first order. Watch for blame misplacement and detective work. No circling, no information through friends, no contact, it is over for now. Your ego is a mighty strong champion that's used to winning, so your letter says. You are in the midst of fighting yourself. Recognize this.
The next step is forshadowing reaction. Don't get into a relationship or sexual conquest to fill the space. You'll only pass on the bad feelings you are feeling now to the new person if they fall for you. Your ego will rear it's ugliness and dump them in retaliation. Try to wrestle with yourself and let your intelligence and "what's right" win out. It may take years.
This person you "were" involved with sensed your growing to "real" and copped out. That's a good clue to what they'll do in a pinch at this stage of their life. He will grow up, it takes time. Don't get mad at him, it's another emotion that feeds off fear and resentment.
Okay, let me tell you what may happen. (it always does).
He will have regrets. He will eventually call. He was chicken, but your love will win out. This will happen at the most awkward time. Maybe in a month, maybe ten years. When it does, STAY IN CONTROL. If you want him, be quick, others are watching and are jealous of your true love. If you are slow and shy or the least bit considerate of anyone else, you will lose him again. YOUR OWN FAULT.
Don't let him put bricks in the wall by giving him too much time to think. Just stay light, happy and FAST. You can be the one to decide if you want to stick around if you are HOT AS GREASED LIGHTNING.
This wasn't some fling for him, it was a whole year. That's close to real. Now, however, it's back to square one with The Wall erected between you. Let the bricks of the wall erode over time, then karate kick the whole damn thing down when the opportunity presents itself. (It will.) If you waffle, he'll just as quickly add more bricks to justify his past bailout. Stay very strong, Annabelle, love has to be wrestled sometimes. Hope this helps.
<< Home